guilietta

I have finally caught up.  Moneywise.  It's taken a year.  Seriously.  I've paid my credit cards down enough so they don't go over the limit when interest hits (that is a fking nightmare situation, lemme tell ya), I haven't added anymore debt since graduating, and I'm hoping to start saving some money as well as paying down all my dumb bills.  I have my budget set out and it looks like I'll have about $800 left over after bills each month.  That's not a TON, but pretty sweet.  Sadly, not really enough to live in my own apt yet unless I get something hella ghetto, but definitely enough to have a roommate.  Meaning, I hope Court and I get our own place the beginning of next year.  Also, I hope I get a raise next month since I will have my first official 'review'.  And even if I don't get a raise, at the beginning of the year there is going to be a restructuring of my department.  So if I get a promotion or raise then, I'll be set.  If not, however, I will probably be looking for other jobs within the credit union.  And if those don't pan out, I'll look for jobs at OTHER credit unions.  I looove NWCU tho, so I hope I don't have to leave, but I have to go where the money is.  Which would probably mean a bank, but ew, screw banks. 

Basically, what I REALLY want, is to get approved for a damn bill consolidation loan.  But that will take some long, hard work on my part to pay my credit cards down to the point where my credit is good enough to get one.  Or, I'll just have to pay them off the old fashioned way, one month, one card at a time.  I feel like I'm at the point where it's not even worth it to me anymore to 'keep them open but pay them off'.'  I really just feel like closing them as I pay them off.  We'll see.  I just feel with all the identity theft going on it best to just not have as many little cards open as I do, even if that means I 'lose my credit history'... Whatever.

And of course, finally getting a little comfortable with money immediately means I want  newer car.  Not new, but newer.  Something that doesn't take premium or get 20 mpg or need a lot of work.  I love my Maxima.  I will probably buy another one someday, but it's just not practical for me right now.  My parents live in Bend, so if I want to go visit them I need to have a car that can go over the pass.  I hate feeling unsafe driving in all the crappy weather on this side of the mountain.  I want to be able to go camping and to the gorge next year and not feel like I have to rely on my parents vehicle. 

But then, I want a smaller car for zipping around town.  Grr.  I feel like I need two cars.  I guess the compromise between a small car and an SUV would be a truck, but, ya know, I have a sweet subwoofer and that wouldn't go well with a truck :)  Oh well I'll figure it out... Now it's just time to plan out how to spend that extra money so I don't spend it on Taco Bell and nail polish, ha ha.

Wooo! Just spent a ton of money at Lush... lookey!!


VEGANESE We take our commitment to our vegan staff and customers seriously; Veganese is one example of this commitment. A light lemon-scented conditioner, heavy on shine, with an agar seaweed gel base. Perfect for all hair types.

WOOSH TEMPLE BALM In a long meeting/lecture/movie? Stay alert and attentive with the concentrated citrus essential oils of Whoosh temple balm, you won't miss any plot precious details. For my coworker Amber

HERBALISM Excellent for sensitive oily skin. Soothing powdered herbs with ground almonds to exfoliate, rice bran to absorb oil, clay to deeply cleanse, and antibacterial essential oils. Mix a small piece with water in your hand, and spread the paste all over your face.

RUNNING TO EMBASSY BODY BUTTER The body butter made especially for the most neglected part of your body. African marigold soothes dry cracked heels, pumice scrubs, butters soften and mint oils refresh.  For my coworker David.

DREAM ON Difficult and troubled skin? Do not fret. LUSH has made a bath bomb just for you. Ultra-soothing chamomile combined with calming lavender, tea tree and jojoba oils for a bath your body will not soon forget.

FEVER MASSAGE BAR Picture yourself in dark sunglasses, red lipstick and a fitted sweater, scented with rose, sandalwood and sensual jasmine ready to defy convention and enjoy life to the fullest. If that vision does not resemble your real life, use the Fever massage bar to escape and let go of inhibitions, if only temporarily.

THERAPY MASSAGE BAR The doctor is in the house. Lavender and neroli soothe the depths of your body and psyche. You may have to tip your masseuse, partner or friend, but it's the cheapest therapy you'll ever encounter.

WAVING NOT DROWNING All-consuming thoughts in your head preventing you from having a good night of sleep? Pop this sly little bath bomb in your bath and let the balancing lavender and fennel slow down your internal turmoil and cure your insomnia.

SAKURA BATH BOMBAh springtime, when it snows cherry blossoms and every moring smells of new possibilities. Sakura brings springtime promise to the bathtub with its blend of jasmine and mimosa, while sea salt purifies the skin.

GOLDEN SLUMBERS As the title of the bomb suggests, this golden gem with lavender and chamomile will induce relaxation and sleep. Just as precious as gold, neroli will make your dreams even sweeter.

KARMA KOMBA Great for all hair types, Karma Komba deep cleans, de-tangles and is perfumed with our Karma fragrance containing patchouli (good for scalp conditions). Treat your hair well and you'll be thanked in return by its good behavior.

ULTIMATE SHINE Shine and softness - it's the Ultimate. Ylang Ylang, coconut oil, and exotic essential oils keep tresses supple and glossy, no matter how low maintenance or low on time you are.



I'm so excited.  Time to bathe and drink some beer :)

Hey Y'all...

Wow, I can't believe I have a moment of time to actually sit down and blog. Ah, it's the simple things in life...

So what's been going on with me... Work has been crazy busy. I'm the team captain on many conversion teams at work, and while that's all fine and dandy, I'm making less than when I worked at PFCU last year. Which is rough. But I don't think that the other person in my position makes much more than what I make, so I don't want to complain too much. Oh well. I can pay my bills at least... Just can't move out of my gramma's house, and that's frustrating.

Usually, this time of year, I'm at the Gorge. I didn't have anyone to go with me and I really can't afford to go. Devastates me, and I've cried about it a lot, but life will go on.

It's Game Day!!! I'm going with Court's mom. I'm excited to get to actually talk to her and spend time with her. I'm sad because we won't be tailgating at all, but she wanted me to ride the bus with her and since she's letting me sit with her in awesome seats, AND because I want to get more chances to talk with her, I'm going to ride the bus with her.

And on that note, since I need to shave my legs and do game-day make up I should start getting ready... :)


GO DUCKS!

Minding my own business... Reading the newspaper during lunch, and low and behold, WHOSE damn Marriage License application do I see? Yup. Stupid Steve and Stephanie. Losers. I don't know what to think about it. It's just weird. I'm soooo happy that he is finally happy because God knows I wouldn't have ever been happy with him. It's just... weird, ya know? Oh well. Funny how life turns out. I'm going to go stare at pictures of my gorgeous boyfriend now :)

Well then...

I posted a count down awhile ago...

I no longer care about the 'since I talked to Bob' one... blah, who cares. He's a meanie poo poo head.

And the 'no more stinky boys' one OFFICIALLY ended last night.

;)

Hehe.

I just read Harry Potter. Meh. It wrapped everything up, but could have been better.

It took most of all day. I think I'm gonna open a bottle of wine and watch Chasing Amy.

Night night.


"No, idiot. It was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like I'd lacked experience, like I'd never be on her level or never be enough for her or something. And what I didn't get was that she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was looking for me, for the Bob. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She'd moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away..."

Still sick, but now it's more just symptoms, not an overwhelming SICK feeling.

I have $5 after being paid. So the $60 that went to my AMEX will be used to buy gas. I think I should buy Harry Potter, but I have no means to do so. Such is life.

I did the math and even without CC payments, I'd still be a broke ass. So it made me feel a lot better. I think panic sets in when you realize if you didn't have a CC payment your life would be dramatically different. Not so here.


Um, these daily entries are supposed to help me through my 'he-tox'... My books all say go 60 days without any contact, and I totally see that happening. It's getting easier. I'm just not dwelling on anything and going through my daily life. No contact is a very good thing. I have things of his that he can get back sometime this fall, because I'm not going to even have one of my friends contact him to give him his shit back. It will just have to happen in time.

Oh, point was, whenever you see a subject of 'Day XX' it's just a daily entry I felt like making public... Most are private, but sometimes I feel like I need to get it out there more.

Since I'm over the initial grief of all of this (Uh, well, today I feel like I am), I'm more scared of running into him one day and going 'WTF was I thinking?'... And I don't really think that will happen, but I'm scared to look at him and not love him. If that makes sense...

7.5 hours until I leave work for the weekend, oh boy oh boy...

No plans, since I can't buy HP... Sigh...

I'm sick. Remember the last time I was really sick? Remember the blogs I wrote about how Bob came and took care of me?

I want to scream at the top of my lungs that I need him and I need him to care ABOUT me and come take care OF me.

I can't handle being sick AND depressed. It's too much.

I hhhaaaatttttteeeeee ttthhhhiiiiissssssss....

I haven't seen him in 18 days, talked in 8... It's too long, or not long enough. I have to get away from him, he's still running around in my heart and my mind and I can't stand it. He's sooooo over me. How can I still be hanging on to someone that is that done with me?

Son of a bitch, I just want things back the way they were when I was the happiest I've ever been. I guess that's not such a crazy thing to say/want. And I'd probably be MORE crazy if I didn't feel like I was going thru the hurricane of the century. Arg.

I'll feel better when I'm healthy again.

I'll feel better when I'm healthy again.

I hate that it's rainy outside. I want to build a fire and cuddle and make smores.

I pretty much hate everything right now.

But,

I'll feel better when I'm healthy again.

Sigh...

And...

So... it's day 8 since Bob decided we shouldn't hang out anymore... It's been easy in general, because in reality, a relationship is not my highest priority right now.  I have many other things going on, and that's basically why I've been willing to put up with what's going on with Bob and I.  But for some reason, yesterday after I got back from Sunriver I was driving down the road after picking up my check and I passed Keystone Cafe and burst into tears.  That's where we first had breakfast last July... And I hung out with my cousins last night, and driving down 6th and 7th and Chambers and Garfield makes me ill. 

I know he's not the right one for me.  I know if he were, there would have never been so much drama.  The right guy for me is never going to want me to disappear- he's going to want me to never leave. 

But....

She loved him, yeah...she don't want to leave this way
She needs him, yeah...that's why she'll be back again
Can't find a better man (can't find a better man)


But really, I don't want a better man.  My life is full of fantasies of getting my own little apartment, and getting a better financial hold on things.  Then buying a Hybrid SUV.  Then my own tiny, little, divey as hell house in Eugene.  And spending my weekends fixing it up.  And buying a Siberian Husky puppy... and a German Shepard maybe... or maybe two huskies... Then getting a boat to pull behind that SUV.  And at NO point, having any man have any input on those decisions.

Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along...
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone

I know things are hard right now because I'm at my gramma's.  I so appreciate her letting me live here rent free, but I need and want my own place so bad.  Until then, I'll feel in limbo, and I'll feel like I haven't gotten on with my life... hopefully this fall I'll find a place.  Hopefully.

I hope everyone's summer is going well. Mine is going, well, expected.

I can't believe that in 19 days, it will be a year since my last class at the U of O. And the day Trav-ass said we were 1000% done. And the same weekend I did a detox. And smoked a shit ton of cigarettes because I couldn't put anything else into my body. And talked to Bob all night online while he was drunk as hell. And then met him for breakfast the next day and went to Keystone Cafe... But since I was moving to Portland, we didn't pursue things any further. But damn I remember having the biggest crush on him...

And so, let's just recap the last year and try to determine how I'm not in a mental institution (answer: cause life sucks for everyone, he he)

May/June 06- Working out, eating perfectly, promotion at work, almost done with school, and having anxiety attacks daily and no ability to calm down and relax. Dumb ass Dr. puts me back on these anti-depressants that I took when I was 16, even tho I begged him not to. I was NOT depressed. I was completely the opposite. So 2 weeks into taking them, I wasn't eating, and wasn't getting out of bed unless it was for school or work, basically, totally depressed. So yeah, great way to start the summer.

July 06- Get dumped, get a job in P town. Find apt in 2 hour period. Struggle daily with break up (so pathetic, ha ha)

August 06- Move to P town, know no one, have $40 left over each week for gas, food, and entertainment. Graduation celebration, 3 more classes to take online to actually finish degree. To this day I still have nightmares of not passing that class, ha ha.

September 06- Football games brought me down to Eugene most weekends, which was fun but incredibly depressing. Met really great guy on the MAX, went on creepy date with 45 year old. Came down to Eugene on September 29th, went to a hockey game with Bob and spent the weekend with him. At my cousin's wedding on Sunday, I was announcing to my whole family that I was madly in love. And I was.

October 06- Give notice at job after that weekend, move back to Eugene and live with Melissa. Work at Papa John's for 4 days. Can't find a job.

November 06- Bob asks me to move in, I do. Still can't find a job. We decide that I can live there and take care of the house and he'll pay for my bills, then I'll get a job in December. Turn 21!! Wee!!

December 06- Bob and I have first fight- He tells me to move out. First time out of many. Odds are, I should have left then. It would have only been a relationship of a couple months and I probably would have moved on with my life by now. Sigh...

January 07- Start awful awful job. More relationship drama. Blah.

February 07- Walk out of awful job. Bob breaks up with me, essentially. But we stay living together and things don't really change much. Valentine's day was... Um... Nothing. I think I cooked dinner and lit some candles, but that was it. No cards, no gifts. We had joked about protesting the holiday, but who really does that. Sigh...

March 07- Bob kicks me out. Gives me three days to get out. I move to my gramma's and go to a temp agency. Work random ass jobs, blah blah blah. Bob calls me 10 days after we break up, drunk, and says the line that always stabs my heart from 100 different directions 'I don't know what I want, I don't know what I'm thinking, sometimes I think we should just get married'... Ug...

April 07- Bob and I are on again off again, hanging out but not 'together.' Fun!!!!!!!

May 07- More of the same, duh.

June 07- More of the same, Bob freaks out one week on the road and says we can't hang out anymore, only to call and say the same fucking line again. Two weeks later, on one of the worst days of his life (personal details...), he says we can't hang out anymore. And now, there's been no call. He said something about 3 months no contact. If he were to do that, the last day would be our 1 year anniversary. Ya know, had we stayed together...


Blah blah blah.. I dunno what's going on in my head right now. I know it's best to stay away. It just is. We aren't together, we haven't been for awhile. But my heart hasn't had a chance to. But it will. I'm doing way better than I thought I would be. The worst time is in the morning when I first wake up. But it will be ok tomorrow, once I go to work and all that...

Le sigh. Hehe. It'll be ok.  BUT I WANT A FUCKING CIGARETTE. 

So I'm trying to walk 10,000 steps a day... And so I need to go for actual walks since I sit at a desk all day... Today I went for a walk during my lunch hour.  I wore my crocs.  Oops.  GIANT fking blister right under/between my big toe and 2nd toe... I knew I had to pop it because it hurt SO bad and it was going to pop on it's own and that would suuuuck. 

And I wanted to whine about how if I was a little girl my dad would have popped it, and now I should have a boyfriend to pop it for me.  But instead I sucked it up and did it myself.  I kind of felt like I was gonna pass out before I pushed the needle in, but it didn't really hurt at all.  I'm very proud of myself for being such a big girl.  :)


No word on the job, grr.  But now at least I know I'll find out tomorrow.  I want the job sooooo bad, but I understand that I might not get it.  I may have to just be patient and wait for another opening somewhere in the credit union.

Oh, and random... I actually love hockey now.  As in, independently from Bob, I really like it.  I'm watching the playoffs even tho we aren't together.  You would think I would want to avoid it because it reminds me of him, but instead I just really really like it.  Weird.

Dammit I am in such a bad mood today. I haven't had a day where I'm just fucking pissed at everything and everyone in a loooooong time. So long, I can't remember the last time...

I am so fed up with this guy I work with. He shows up late, takes 2 hour lunches, 35 minute breaks, etc etc.. This wouldn't be so much of a problem except the fact that we are a TEAM. We are assigned a report to do, and we all have to work together to do it. And I feel like I'm having to pick up the slack to cover his ass. I wish I could just not care, but it just bugs me so much that he's getting paid the same amount I am and I'm having to do more work and ahhh...

And last week my boss came to me and asked me to apply for a position there, so I could be a real employee, not a temp. Which is awesome and made me feel so valued and appreciated. She said she hired me knowing I would leave the team I'm on now, but just wanted me here because I'll be a great asset to the credit union. It was so cool. I felt so special, haha. But then I found out that a lot of other people applied for it, and when my boss talked to me she kind of made it sound like there wasn't any competition. And the interview was HARD, and intense... And I'm sure the other people applying have much more experience than me, well, at least in the credit union. So I dunno... I'd LOVE to have the position, but I can understand why I might not be the best fit for it. So I've had that stress hanging over me...


AND MY FUCKING WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER ISN'T WORKING. IT ERRORS OUT ON EVERY SINGLE SONG. AAHHH.  I don't know how to fix it.  I feel so helpless. :(

so many sheep i quit counting
sleepless and embarrassed about the way that i feel
trying to make mole hills out of mountains
building base camp at the bottom of a really big deal

and did i tell you how i stopped eating?
when you stopped calling me
and i was cramped up shitting rivers for weeks
and pretending that i was finally free

So what, everyone else has a life besides me? :( I miss all my friends blog entries, brats! So I'm nudging y'all, ok?

Ok...

So I'm spending more time at my gramma's. Blah. If you want details, let's go get some coffee or something, lol. Or come over and play pool with me!

I start work tomorrow. I'm anxious, and excited, and disappointed. I just wish it were a real position where I could have benefits. Or paid more than $11.00/hr. I dunno. I can live for now on it, but I'm hoping it opens the doors to a real position with the credit union.

And I'm gonna try to get a hobby or something... Working out will take up a lot of time, but I'm hoping to go to things and meet new people... I figure I might be single for a v long time, and I need to feel comfortable going to and exploring things I like, regardless if there is someone to go with me. I used to be sooooo fiercely independent, and I want that feeling back :)

So on Monday I start at NWCCU! I'm not totally sure what I'll be doing, but I'm very excited to be working there, simply because I think if I get my foot in the door, I can get hired on as a real employee, not just a temp. What I do know about the job is that they are changing operating systems and they want to clean up all their data before the conversion, and then get some experts on the new OP system so when it goes live on November 30th, there will be a group of people who are the 'go-to-peeps' for the system. But alas, once the conversion is done and people familiar with the system, there won't be a need for us temps anymore. Hence the reason I'm hoping to get hired on. But I won't have to worry about a job until January and hopefully by then I'll have some credit cards paid off and things will be better for me, financially at least.

But one thing I worry about is having disposable income again. Right now with being so broke I haven't had to worry about blowing $500 on something I don't need... So since in a few months I will have a huge amount of money to play with each month, I've decided to come up with a list of things I think it's ok to spend money on, that are necessities...

1) Makeup. I'm picky about it, and when it runs out, I think it's ok to buy more.
2) Waxing and razors. Self Explanatory
3) Gym membership. Ya know, this may actually be a necessity, but I just can't consider it one when there's a perfectly good road outside to run on, and I have a complete weight set at home. But my knees are f$%ked so a nice padded treadmill and some assisted weight machines would be nice.
4) Healthy food. Since it costs more than cheap crap, I have to consider it a luxury.
5) Clothes that actually fit. Uh yeah, I went and got all chubby. I need new jeans.

Other than that I can't think of other things to spend money on. I suppose eating out would be one, but I think just once a week is a good limit. But what's most important is that none of those purchases can go on a credit card. I must pay cash for all of them!!

So yeah. I'm enjoying this last week off of work and mentally preparing myself to be working working working for the next 6 months. I just hope I can get time off for The Gorge/Dave...

I have interviews all day tomorrow. They were set up by the Temp agency, which in a sense is annoying (why am I having to go thru the bs of interviewing, isn't that the point of going thru a temp agency? blah), but overall I'm happy...

So tomorrow...

9:00 Country Coach- Temp to hire, $11/hr, inventory control department, lots of data entry

10:30 Symantec- Temp, $11.51(I think)/hr, they want to try and keep me on SOMEHOW, and they need a temp in their Customer Service department, which would be really similar to PenFed

2:00 Northwest Community CU, Temp but will probably hire me at some point, data entry and shit...

Then on Thursday I have an interview at 10:00 for a job being an admin assistant, $12/hr, temp to hire...

So I guess I'm hoping for the Admin Assistant job, altho I dunno... none of them sound awesome... NWCCU would be a good place to work because I would probably be able to get hired on full-time at SOME point, in some position... So I'm hoping for that one or the admin assistant job...

Wish me luck!

Man, this eating better thing is wiping me out!

So I didn't totally do the fast this weekend... It made my stomach so upset by 5 on Friday, that I ate some solid fruit and 1/4 of a bagel. Oh and then some nachos and popcorn at the movies, he he... At least I did 'good' the majority of the day.

So on Saturday I did eat some junk in the morning, but tried to eat better the rest of the day... Bob and I went out to breakfast and I had decaf coffee, and eggs and toast and things like that, instead of the usual pancakes or waffles I would usually get... So I ate the last of the day old popcorn after we got back, and then drank a bunch of apple juice throughout the day. For dinner I ordered a salad from mekala's and salad rolls, mmmm...

So on Sunday we went to Laughing Planet and I had a vegan burrito and a beer, mmmm... Then I had a veggie burrito and part of a quesadilla from Burrito boy...

Today for breakfast I had a banana and some grapes, and for lunch I had another burrito from Laughing Planet (ok I'm obsessed) and some carrot juice, mmm... I'm trying not to eat meat at all, and avoid dairy as much as possible. Dairy=hurt tummy...

It's so weird to not eat meat tho... I mean, not really because I really believe in all the reason not to eat meat, but as far as dieting and things go, I'm so used to eating a high protein diet in order to maintain lean muscle, increase metabolism, build new muscle, etc etc... But I guess less than 2% of vegetarians are obese, compared to 25% of the rest of the population. Blah I dunno...

ANYWAY, no caffeine since the sips of soda I had Friday has started a massive headache, ugg... And I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO tired. But I read when you put good food into your body, your body tries to rebuild all it's tissue n' shit with it, and it can make you tired. Or something. I just want this headache to go away, ahhh...

Ugg...

My assignment at Symantec ended. And the temp place doesn't have anywhere for me to go right away, so... yeah...

I found a kick ass condo that 2 girls live in and need a 3rd roommate. I really want to live there, and I don't want to let the place pass me by, but I might have to live at my gramma's longer than anticipated if I don't find work again THIS WEEK, since I told the girls I'd move in this weekend. Le Sigh.

So. Guess what I'm doing this weekend?

FASTING!

Oooooh yeeaaahhh...

I'm going to be drinking apple juice for 3 days straight. That's it. Hmm, when I type it out it doesn't look like such a good idea. But I digress, I still think it's a good thing for me. I have the worlds WORST stomach/digestive track (didn't you want to know that?) and, ahem, flushing things out every once in awhile isn't the worst thing.

After the three days... I dunno. That's what I'm going to research this weekend. I might do the 'master cleanse' a la Beyonce for 10 days, then go back to juicing. After that, my hippie ass is going to try to eat as much raw, organic food as possible. And the only meat I will eat will be free-range antihormoneshit stuff. OF COURSE there will be days when I'm at a bbq and I'll eat something else, but I have my reasons for wanting to eat healthier... what are they you ask? Well here you go:

1) My Tummy. I have had IBS (look it up if you must) since I was 15, and I'm sick of it. It's not bad enough that I need to go back on medication, but it's still really bad. And embarrassing. And painful. So I am hoping to clean myself out and give my digestive track a chance to rest for awhile, then gradually go back to eating whole foods (Dammit, where is that Whole Food Market when you need it?!?!)

2) My Trigger Points. If you have ever had physical therapy you know what I'm talking about. There are little pressure/trigger points on our bodies that get knotted up and are very painful to touch directly, and I guess PT believes it causes pain indirectly. Anyway, to be diagnosed with Fibromyalgia you need to have about 15 of them. I have over 75-100. I shit you not. Probably 15 in each hip/butt area, 15 in each arm, 15 in my chest, and my back/neck/shoulders probably have 50. Chiropracters and PT have not helped. Anti-inflammatory drugs have not helped. Recreational (used as medicinal ;) drugs have not helped. Drinking a ton of water doesn't help, working out doesn't help, nothing makes them go away. I'm sure they are exacerbated by all the crap I eat so I'm trying desperately to let go of my skepticism and believe that if I cleanse my body of 'toxins' (psshhhhh) that they will go away. I don't what else to do really.

3) My Joints. Yeah. They hurt. My shoulders are riddled with bursitis, my knees go out all the time (more than I do, har har) and my elbows and wrist just ACHE. This is a recent development, but I also have ate more crap this past 8 months then I ever have, so I bet that has something to do with it.

4) My brain. I've had issues with depression since I was 12. I mean, who hasn't? But it's been really bad these last 9 months, and I really don't want to go on antidepressants. Again. So I'm trying to do this as a spiritual fast, where I cleanse myself of everything and give my body and brain a fresh start. Yeah yeah yeah, fucking hippies. But maybe there's something to it.

So, I'm going to drink a crapload of juice, try to get some sort of physical exercise for 20 minutes a day (walking, jogging, bike-riding, stair-climbing, etc), meditate daily (HIPPIES!!!!!), and do yoga/stretching to help loosen me up.

NOTE: I'm not doing this for weight-loss. I know I'll lose weight, but I also know it will be muscle and water, which I really don't WANT to lose, but I know how to build back muscle when the time comes. Remember, I'm She-Ra.


Uh. Yeah.